Older and younger children: what between them is friendship or enmity?
I wonder why is it that brothers and sisters should love each other? Not to quarrel and to live peacefully. Why when a stranger something unpleasant, you can stop to chat, but if it’s your brother or sister, you must love him? Is it possible to love out of debt?
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Birth to a second child, parents should understand that it is impossible to force the first-born to love born baby brother or sister. But in their power to educate children so that the spark of mutual love, devotion and respect herself lit up in the children’s hearts. Often give birth to her second child thinking that the firstborn was not alone, native blood people supported each other along the difficult path of life. And how can they be surprised and upset if you see that this love is not. Adults should understand that children are not obliged that each of their children ’ s unique personality, and to help them love each other can only be cultivating this same brotherly love.
Probably almost all faced with the fact that after the birth of her second child, the firstborn son gets jealous of the baby to the parents and tries to gain their attention. Sometimes the mother feels the eldest child does everything out of spite: Hamming, dabbles, not responding to requests. Like a large and pretends to be a kid! In such cases it is important to understand that he is still a baby, he is only 4-6 years. Let him feel small. Don’t be afraid to play along with him: indulge your senses with him, rocking him as if he’s small. It will not bring harm, laughter still better than simply shout.
It is considered that the larger the age difference between the children, the less this jealousy manifests itself. Because the growing child is not so much in need of parental attention, as, for example, 3-5-year-old kid. So. The wise mother will definitely attract an older child to care for a newborn. Then the baby will be under the supervision of, and the firstborn will feel needed. You only need the child to clearly explain how and what to do, what not to do, and these rules have to be repeated many times, until he will understand and assimilate them. Grown children are busy with the fun with their younger brothers and sisters, however, parents should not forget that they also cannot deprive attention and that the children, whatever they may be – large or small – are always waiting for the love, care, affection, understanding. Need to remember not to miss any of the children, each child in the family wants to be sure that it is very important for moms and dads that understand him and love as a brother or sister.
Often our children think so much consequence to their parents. After all, how surprised the Kid from znamenitogo cartoon about Carlson, learned, “how expensive it is” for parents. Therefore, it is very important that the birth of the second child was not perceived as the firstborn, as the emergence of the “competitor”, and parents should take him to the attention and love just as before. It is important that one of the parents paid attention to the older child the undivided. So he can be though sometimes only with mom or dad, without the baby. It’s not easy to arrange but is possible. This can be arranged at a time when the baby is sleeping. Or let the baby stay with my father or grandmother, and mother go for a walk with her favorite baby. Weekend dad can go with an older boy at the market or to the zoo or to go with daughter at puppet theatre. In other words, if an older child will not feel slighted, and not have to share their parents with the baby, he will have no excuse to not love a brother or sister. He will feel unique and important to you as a Junior.
Go for a walk with both children, participate in the life of each of them. Today go to the matinee to younger, tomorrow – to the speech of the senior school. You should try to consult with an older child, for example, what kinds of toys fit the baby, what clothes better for him to buy what he wanted for his birthday. The eldest child must feel that his opinion matters to you, because he’s Mature and smart. Children must realize that their family is a team in which everyone helps each other.
No matter how you try, it is impossible to equally love two different people, even if it’s your own children. They’re so different, they each have their own whims, fears, shortcomings, each in his own naive, touching… And how you can love them equally, if each of them a separate identity and individuality? Parents are trying by all means to suppress it, trying to be equally fair to all their children. But this is not always so, and this thought sometimes makes them real suffering. But you just need to understand that love children differently, it is natural and normal. Can’t have the same love for teen and tiny baby. First love love demanding, wise, active, second – softly and tenderly, cherishing, as something precious and fragile. Parents should show children that they are equal to them. If it is not true that children will immediately feel the insincerity. In addition, there is nothing good in the identification of children, it is humiliating for them. Children are very well aware that they are different. Why are they “to paddle one size fits all”? Wise parents will always be guided by the interests of each child.
No matter how great the temptation, it is impermissible to compare children. A wise mother should ensure that the children knew how to rejoice in the successes of each other without envy. Praising the success of one child, in no event it is impossible to tell another what he’s worse that he can’t do it.
Try not to scold the child in the presence of another. Can you imagine how you would feel if was at fault at work and the boss berates you in front of colleagues. You would have felt shame and resentment, right? But isn’t it better he would call you into the office and made without witnesses to their claims. Similarly, the behavior of parents plays an important role in situations when children quarrel. If they indiscriminately will always punish the elder, Jr. will very soon begin to use. In the end, everyone loses: the senior feels hurt, Jr. becomes the informer, and the parents lose their authority. In the analysis of the quarrels between the children need to be objective, impartial, not taking sides. Enough to listen carefully to both sides, pity the downtrodden. Getting from parents needed moral support, children will solve the problems.
You need to make the effort to see each of his children’s strengths, to focus its attention on those. This is very important in that case when in a relationship with one of the children present tension or irritation.
Buying little toy, it does not mean that the senior needs to buy it. The oldest child is, apparently, very different dreams: to ride a scooter or go on the rides. So to each his own. We need to take this course. And no need to torture yourself with silly doubts. And our love we must as often as possible to speak to our children – and both at once, and each of us individually.