How to love children? Practical recommendations doctors
American psychiatrist Ross Campbell wrote a book called “How to really love children”, which has gained immense popularity endured many editions. Let’s look at some excerpts from this book.
“the Majority of parents are confused about what the child needs not only food, home, clothing, education, and leadership, and most importantly – love! But it is unconditional, unconditional love parents and do not know how to exercise. In order for the short time while the child is with them, to give him everything that father and mother can, and they should be able to Express this love.
Parents should be aware that the house, despite many distracting circumstances (school, friends, street, etc.), heaviest affect the child.
The child and parents: that depends on adults, why do some children become difficult, “heavy”, while others – no problem, they understand parents perfectly?
“Light” children are raised by loving mothers, “heavy” children often, but not always, unloving mothers who consciously or subconsciously didn’t want the child. Main types of temperament greatly affect the growing and developing child. Awareness of these types helps parents to avoid unnecessary feelings of guilt if, despite the love, baby grows “difficult”.
It is clear that the majority of parents love their children. While it is usually assumed that parents naturally know how to communicate his love to the child, they really don’t know how to do it. And hence the feeling of many of today’s children that they need unconditional love and unconditional approval from parents. This is the main reason of difficulties with children”.
Campbell gives some tips that help to establish emotional contact with the child:
“the Parent needs to constantly remind myself that:
1. It’s just kids.
2. Therefore, they behave like normal children.
3. Very often in the children’s behaviour.
4. If I correctly perform your role as a parent and love them regardless of their bad behavior in the moment, they can become more Mature and abandon the childish.
5. If I love them only when I’m happy with them (so-called conditional love), and only then will you prove your love, the children will not constantly feel my constant deep love, and this, in turn, will cause them uncertainty, lower their self-esteem and really hurt them to develop the better your self-control, to achieve a more Mature behavior. Therefore, I as a parent are responsible for the behavior of children and their development.
6. If I love my children unconditionally, they will be of a good opinion and will be in harmony with itself. Then they will be able to control their anxiety and consequently their behavior as they grow up.
7. If I love them only when they fulfill my requirements or achieve what I expect from them, they will feel incompetent; they will have a feeling that useless to try, no matter how they tried, always not enough. Such children will become victims of insecurity, anxiety and low self-esteem, and it will be a constant obstacle to their emotional and behavioral growth. And again, the growth and self-actualization of children not only their job, but as my parent.
8. For myself and for my children I have to try, that my love was as possible, unconditional. The future of my children depends on the strength of this Foundation”.
Here is another interesting observation of the author
“There are four main types of transfer unconditional love: contact «eye to eye”, physical contact, attention and discipline. All these points are equally important and not “work” one without the other. Contact «eye to eye” is important to establish the relationship, but also – and significantly – to meet the emotional needs of the child. As for physical contact, not necessarily to kissing and hugging, it is enough to Pat on the shoulder, take the hand, just to touch, to Pat on the head, pull my hair – all of which reinforces the emotional confidence of the child and gives the opportunity to Express its unconditional love for him. However, both types of contacts with the child should be friendly, natural (not conspicuous), and, most importantly, daily.
Attention – when a parent is totally focused on your child (and each individually if there are several) is vital for the development of self-esteem in the child. In addition, it affects the child’s ability to properly treat others and love them. Gifts, favors in any case can not be a substitute for careful attention to the child when the father or mother stays with him one on one and can give him the most valuable, not comparable with cakiem gifts – your care, attention, warmth and love.
We must give the child to feel your love – and it will be the first and most important condition of good discipline. If the child feels unconditional love of his parents, he wants to identify themselves and accept without enmity and resistance guidance from their parents.
Discipline is the training of the child to live worthy. Therefore, the more disciplined the child, the less you need the punishment. Primitive understanding of the discipline in the absence of unconditional love and leads to a painful transitional period of adolescence, when the adolescent becomes unmanageable. Unconditional love does not destroy needs punishment at all, but brings them to a minimum”.
Is it always the relationship between parents fold smoothly, smoothly? And what is the role of punishments for different offenses?
“Sometimes the relationship between parents and children grow in a battle between the will and character. Before physically punish a child, parents need to understand what is wrong in their relationship and what they can expect and demand from your child. First, use all the available measures for voluntary discipline and only as a last resort (if ever, if you want the child you loved and respected) resort to punishment. We must always remember that the lack of hardness parents and ignorance of boundaries, not love and affection, produce the child permissiveness. You can use a system of rewards for good behavior, but all these awards should be aiming to instill in the child the desire to be good because parents love him and he loves them”.
Which of all the above should be the conclusion? Simple and very important: all children need love.