How children react to divorce
At what age a child reacts to a conflictual relationship between the parents and the stress of divorce?
The child “feels” the state of the mother in utero .
Even under favorable external conditions, the fact of pregnancy creates some psychological problems for the mother. In the study of emotional response of women during physiological pregnancy was discovered growing along with the growth of pregnancy the level of trait anxiety. Anxiety in pregnancy is considered as an adaptive process, i.e. physiologically necessary.
However, due to this, a pregnant woman becomes extremely sensitive and vulnerable to any additional negative impacts. Conflict relations between spouses during pregnancy lead to adverse consequences for physical and mental condition of the child. One of the effects of stress factors is the activation of sympathoadrenal system and the associated increased production of stress hormones (catecholamines), resulting in increased vascular tone, changing their permeability, increased blood pressure, increased uterine contractions, uterine hypertonus. It all feels a not yet born child. The change in the functional activity of the autonomic nervous system and neurohumoral disorders lead to the development of hypoxia of the brain, changes in regulation of emotional and autonomic functions and normal mental response.
Babies may not understand the nature of the conflict, but they react to changes in the energy level of the parents and their mood. Babies begin to cry, lose their appetite, start to burp more often, they have digestive disorders.
Pre-school children three to five years often tend to blame themselves for the divorce of her parents. Many of them believe that if they ate porridge for Breakfast or cleaned up your toys, then daddy wouldn’t have left.
They can detect so-called regressive behavior, “fall in early childhood”, to begin again to wetting the bed, finding old toys, which I have not played. They have a need for security, they tend to be close to adults, but to demonstrate the disobedience and aggression. They may develop depression.
Children of school age
Some psychologists believe that an adjustment to parental divorce is more difficult for elementary school students.
Children of this age are old enough to understand what was happening, but too young to control your reactions to the pain of divorce.
They may experience grief, embarrassment, resentment, violent rage. Younger students continue to love both parents and hope that they’ll get back together. They may complain of headaches and stomachaches. Communication with other children, outdoor games will help them cope with the family situation.
Adolescents if their parents also experience anger, fear, loneliness, depression and guilt. They early feel involved in adult life, feel that they should take responsibility for their younger brothers and sisters, to do the work on the farm.
Teenagers parents feel that energy and react to a high level of stress.
It is very important for teenagers at this age to feel the support of parents in solving sexual needs first. And its absence can lead to the fact that children begin to doubt their ability to marry.
Teenagers need to feel the pressure of “choice” between the parents, blame one of the parents in the divorce. In children the so-called transitional age may appear unhealthy habits, often reduced performance.
Adult children of parental divorce can cause a reactive state, which will affect the rest of their life, their own family relationships, work, parenting. Dissociation between what they used to be considered the parent family is ideal, and what happened is very painful. There is a reassessment of the entire scale of values. If your child is 5 or 25, it will survive the divorce. Remember this!
The influence of temperament
Probation in the temperament of children can be divided into two types. How they will cope with the complexities of divorce. The main characteristics of the types shown below.
The child will exhibit better resistance to stress of divorce and to 18 years will be more than compensated. The influence of gender
The boys survive the divorce harder than girls. The single mothers are much more problems occur with sons than with daughters. A number of problems with boys raised by a single mother, more than with the children in complete families.
Special studies have found that boys, after which the divorce was brought up by fathers and girls who lived with their mothers, had fewer psychological problems than those who after the divorce was raised by parents of opposite sex.
Boys living with their fathers were less aggressive, and girls who were brought up by his mother, became more responsible.
Boys tend to be external signs of emotions, aggressive behavior, fights, girls to psychosomatic reactions (headaches, fatigue, disturbances of appetite, etc.) and depression.
If after the divorce the child’s behavior has changed, you need to look in a root. If four year old son started writing in bed or ceased to use the fork, it does not mean that he had serious health problems: he just decided to take shelter from severe problems associated with the divorce of parents, in a safe world of infancy. But if the child is six years of bullying by older children, is aggressive, fights with other children, this does not mean that he will turn into a bully. Just because he expresses his anger at the father that left the family; on you for allowing it to do-and himself – that he could be the reason of divorce.
Any unusual behavior of a child needs careful analysis, it’s certainly something worth it. Maybe bad behavior is exactly that you need to solve any problems.
The story of a 15-year-old teenager, until his parents ‘ divorce poster child, after leaving the house of his father, according to his mother, “just fell off the chain”. Despite the fact that when parents divorce behaved intelligent, father helped financially, and the mother struggled to replace his father, who visited the child very irregular, the child’s behavior has changed. He became poorly in school, began to smoke, drink alcohol. When the mother first felt the smell of alcohol coming from the late evening of the son, and panicky by, she immediately called her father. The alarmed now, feeling guilty, the next day came and had a serious conversation with his son. But everything went on as in a well-written script. The son came drunk, the mother called the father, he came for a serious conversation. Anxious parents took their son to the reception to the therapist, who explained to them why the child began to drink alcohol. Surprised parents found that the child drank in order to see his dad. When the father began regularly to visit him, and unscheduled visited him, not when he committed the infraction, and achieved something of a success, the child was again perfect.