Children’s greed: how to fight it
A young mother, apparently, is serious about the education of his son. But the letter – almost all pedagogical errors, which are only. Let’s talk about them.
. It seems that there is no question: greed is hell is disgusting. Not accidentally the first children’s teaser in the yard: “the Greedy man-beef!”. Probably the first human law and morality begins: share, don’t grab, leave another – think about something else. And the first thing to teach a child to give mom. Let the Pope. Give little brother. Give the boy.
And the first confusion: does not! And the first test of parental ambition: when mom goes out with the boy to walk, and he in front of everyone took away a toy – Oh, how embarrassing! Actually, in my opinion, with many children’s shortcomings, we begin to fight not even because they are so sadden us, but because to save face. And that’s good. Sometimes the troubles begin where it lost all shame before the people.
It seems quite normal: a child will be older and Unlearning from greed. But who knows – some, when they grow up, the latter will give you and others in winter snow is not questioned. Some people whole life even suffer from their greed, though in a hurry to give what they ask, but the torment did not let the greed gnaws the soul.
Of course, we can wean the child to take away other people’s toys, but not pound do we defect inside? Will not grow if we have greedy people, able to hide their greed? Maybe this defect only temporarily hide, and then, at twenty, at thirty, when fewer people will depend on others, it was then that he will show himself. And we’re going to wonder: where?!
We all want to have our kids will have good feelings and not just the ability to hide or suppress bad feelings. So, first mistake: mother asks for advice how to deal with greed. And it would be necessary to put the question differently: how to cultivate generosity? For these two questions are fundamentally different approaches to parenting.
“. The path to the heart of a child does not lie through clean, smooth path where the caring hand of a teacher is only that and does that eradicates weeds-vices, and fat through the field where sprouts develop moral virtues. Vices rooted out by themselves, go unnoticed by the child, and their destruction is not accompanied by any morbid phenomena, if they are forced out the rapid growth of the virtues.”
In these remarkable words of V. Sukhomlinsky, in his thought, that the defects be rooted up “by themselves”, many as a rule, refuse to believe. We have mastered the pedagogy requirements, punishment, persuasion, rewards – pedagogy of dealing with deficiencies; sometimes we are fighting so fiercely with the shortcomings of the child, and what virtues do not see it. Oh, do we have to fight? We may still behave differently, to see and develop in the child all the best?
And then it happens: first, its inability, or neglect, or nedobroe we produce evil, and then in the noble impulse rush to the fight against this scourge. First, we direct the upbringing astray, and then caught himself: fight!
Look, when the baby does not give toys, mom takes them from him. Takes power. But if a strong mother takes me, a weak toy, then why am I, after her mother, you cannot take a toy from someone weaker than me? There’s no two to understand that mom “to resist evil” and therefore rights and he, the child, commits evil and therefore wrong. In such ethical niceties and adults, unfortunately, do not always understand. The child receives one lesson: strong takes! Strong take can!
Taught kindness, and taught aggressiveness. No, I don’t want to fall into the extreme: took mom – well, okay, this might not have happened. Took and took, I would not be intimidated. I note only that such action was ineffective.
But remember, mother is the author of the letter acted in another way: persuasion. Usually entreaties oppose punishment. Actually they help as little as punishment. What is the point to persuade the child who by age or by virtue of the moral backwardness of persuasion just doesn’t understand?
Well, not by power, not persuasion, and how? Repertoire of possible actions it seems my mother is exhausted. Meanwhile, there is at least one way to achieve the desired result. Teaching science became louder to talk about the benefits of suggestion. By the way, we, without noticing it, use this method at every step. We tell the child: you’re a slob, you’re lazy, you’re evil, you’re greedy. And the smaller the child, the easier it is to suggestion.
But the thing is that to inspire children. Only one thing is always the same: to inspire, he is kind, brave, generous, decent! To inspire until it is too late, until we have at least some basis for such assurances!
Baby, like all people, acting in accordance with his conception of himself. If to convince him that he is greedy, then any forces him for this sin, then not deliver. If to insinuate that he is generous, he will become generous. We have only to understand that the suggestion is not persuasion, not words alone. To inspire means all kinds of tools to help the child to create the best representation of myself. First, since the early days, the suggestion, then, gradually, the conviction, and always practice. Here, perhaps, the best parenting strategy.
Tried to force the boy to share his toys, tried to take away these toys, tried to shame him, tried to persuade not helping. Let’s try something else, more fun:
– And I want my plate? Please take it, I do not mind! How long to deliver? One? Two? Here is our good guy, he’s probably the hero will be – how much porridge eating! No, he’s not greedy, he just loves porridge!
Do not give toys another?
– No, he’s not greedy, he’s just keeping toys, not breaks them, not lose. He’s lean, you know? And then, it is today not only want to give a toy, and yesterday he gave and you will have it tomorrow, will play himself and will give, because he is not greedy. Our family is greedy no: mom and not greedy, not greedy dad and son we have the most generous of all!
But now it is necessary to give the child an opportunity to show their generosity. One hundred cases of greed leave without attention and condemnation, but one case of generosity, let him unexpected, turn in event. Say, on his birthday give him sweets to give to children in kindergarten, today is a holiday. Give away, of course! And if he runs into the yard with cookies, give him another few pieces for friends – the kids in the yard I love all food seems to be the age they were not fed.
I know the house where the children never gave one candy, one Apple, one nut is definitely only two. Even a piece of bread, feeding, broke in half, to have two pieces to avoid the child feeling “last” and always it seemed to him that he has a whole lot of because you can and share with anyone. To and did not arise this feeling – mind to give! But to share something and not forced, and not encouraged – simply provided the opportunity.
Suspecting the child of greed, think about what is causing the problem. Can we give a child too much or maybe too little? You know, maybe they get greedy against him – in the educational, of course, the purpose?
And finally, the most simple, with what probably ought to start. Apparently, mom is the author of the letter knows that her child has entered a critical period of development, in the so-called “terrible two years”: the stubbornness, denial, self-will. It may well be that the boy does not give the toys are not out of greed, but just out of stubbornness that will soon pass. At this age, every normal child missing breaks, does not listen, does not recognize any “impossible”. Monster, and more! What will happen to him when he grows up?
Yes it will not be always so! Surely people grow evenly and smoothly, like a turnip in the garden!
I knew a girl at the same age: one year and eight months. “Give mommy the ball!” – the ball behind his back. “Let mommy have some candy!” – eyes to the side, candy quickly into his mouth, nearly choked. It took six months – and now, when you give a piece of peeled Apple, pulls mom: take a bite! And the father – bite! And the cat pokes in the face – take a bite! And will tell her that the cat Apple to anything, and have to endure this hygienic nightmare: you poke the cat, and then in the mouth.
Well, if it hadn’t changed the baby? What, in such a case, as before, to convince him that he is generous, to inspire a year, five years, ten, fifteen, tirelessly, until this defect by itself will not result in something useful – frugality, for example. Or even greed – for knowledge, for life. Well, this greed we all welcome.